George Iordanou Politics, Philosophy and (not much) Real Life
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Fatherhood Diaries

I recently became a father of a little boy. These posts document how I experience fatherhood. Long story short, everything changed. Mostly for the better but not always. A new post giving a glimpse into our new lives and a window into my ever growing list of concerns shall be published here regularly.

Fatherhood Diaries: my parents’ grandson

This is part of a series of blog posts under the title Fatherhood Diaries. Before the birth of my son, I rarely thought of my childhood. Little did I also think of the parental qualities of my mum and dad. Any thoughts on my early years were limited to the recollection of the unprecedented and as of this day insurmountable sense of safety and security that defined my childhood. From my teen years onwards, the feeling that emerged was that of deep gratitude towards my parents whose sacrifices gave my a level of education above their pay-grade. But not much else. I am not one to romanticise childhood, and to be honest, I feel more comfortable now as an adult rather than as I ever felt as a child and even less so as a teenager. But after Johnny was born something clicked. Suddenly, I...

Fatherhood Diaries: Holidays

This is part of a series of blog posts under the title Fatherhood Diaries. “It’s the first time that I truly feel like I need a break,” I told colleagues at work on the last day before my summer holidays. “This is what you always say,” was their reply before they wished me a good break. The plan was to take a week and a half off in order to spend some time with the baby whose nursery was closed for the whole month of August. We planned to spend three days in Sunshine’s village up in the mountains and three days in Protaras, which is a coastal, touristy place in the south-eastern part of the island, famous for its blue-flagged, crystal clear waters. Although this sounds like a holiday, and despite our best efforts to make it feel like one, the primary objective was to take care of the baby...

Fatherhood Diaries: Religion

This is part of a series of blog posts under the title Fatherhood Diaries. In this post I want to discuss the difficult decision to christen our baby. Difficult because although my wife is religious, I avoid any dealings with either theism or spirituality. If anything, I have in the past been anti-religious, though recently I have turned, much like G.A.Cohen, anti-anti-religious; that is, a non-religious person with a growing adversity towards militant atheists. In any case, it is my firm belief that this world would have been a better place had religion never been invented. Yet I conceded to christening our son. Let me give you some background here. I have always been an atheist and my wife has always been a religious person who grew up in a deeply religious family. That much we knew...

Fatherhood Diaries: Everywhere

This is part of a series of blog posts under the title Fatherhood Diaries, which will be published here every Monday (for the foreseeable future). Enjoy. Ever since the birth of my baby boy I see his face in all the children who find themselves in harm’s way. I see his face on the refugee children who flee the violence in Syria either with their parents and family members or completely unaccompanied. I see him in the children who are abused by monstrous adults who find it in them to scar little children inside and out forever. I see his face on the dead bodies of little babies less lucky than him paraded on our social media feeds by organizations looking for donations. I also see myself on the faces of their parents. I feel the desperation of the father who does not have the money...

Fatherhood Diaries: Inadequate

This is part of a series of blog posts under the title Fatherhood Diaries, which will be published here every Monday (for the foreseeable future). Enjoy. These days I am constantly exhausted. My work days are longer than they should, my nights are sleepless, my Monday and Wednesday evenings are dedicated to learning french, and my weekends are full. Busy-ness is not something to feel proud about. We should not fetishise what is a essentially a failure of prioritization and an inability to say the occasional ‘NO’. That said, being busy is not a first for me but the accompanied feelings of guilt and inadequacy are. When I am at work I feel guilty for not being with the baby and not helping at home. When I leave the office at a reasonable time, I feel guilty for not staying...

Fatherhood Diaries: Friendships

This is part of a series of blog posts under the title Fatherhood Diaries, which will be published here every Monday (for the foreseeable future). Enjoy. The birth of our baby has tested our friendships. Though some didn’t make it to the other side, our closest friendships are now stronger. Admittedly talking about baby-related topics — his naps, his appetite and you-know-what — can get really boring exceedingly fast and so does refusing most invitations that involve us getting out of the house. Being among the first of our friends to have children immediately rendered our lives incompatible with theirs. The joint life that Sunshine and I led over the past decade, and up until a couple of years ago, was that of the academic nomad. We moved cities every couple of years, from...

Fatherhood Diaries: Normality

This is part of a series of blog posts under the title Fatherhood Diaries, which will be published here every Monday (for the foreseeable future). Enjoy. Five months into parenthood. I am grateful for a couple of things. First, we now know how to address most of our baby’s needs. It is unlikely that he will be crying his lungs out without us being able to do something about it or at least understand the reasons for his discontent. Second, he is healthy and has started to interact with us. This brings us a totally primitive sense of joy. But we are still taking it one day at the time. Every day he survives is a win. There is no plan. We have no plan, at least not one we can stick to. Each day is different irrespective of our consistent efforts to adopt a spartan routine that babies...

Fatherhood Diaries: Expectations

This is part of a series of blog posts under the title Fatherhood Diaries, which will be published here every Monday (for the foreseeable future). Enjoy.  If you recently had a child, you must absolutely be happy and content. A slight digression is allowed but only just, and only due to the tiredness of sleepless nights that you are expected to have. The happiness of having a newborn ought to make up for everything physical as well as emotional. Such are the social expectations for new parents, which although for the most part true, they can be suffocating. It was about two weeks after we brought the newborn home from the hospital. He was neither eating nor sleeping, and we were both exhausted and concerned — concerned for the baby, concerned with our exhaustion and exhausted from...

Fatherhood Diaries: Separation

Every time I leave the baby is a small separation, ranging from midly upsetting to full-on heartbreaking. The most difficult of separations was during my return to work following the lapse of my job’s (rather generous) paternity leave. It was hard leaving him and his mum alone, knowing full well that she was not confident enough to become his sole caregiver during the ten or so hours that I would be away from home. I am one of those few lucky people who like their job and who get fulfillment out of it. But the first couple of days back in the office felt like an assault; as if someone was forcing me to be away from where my heart and instincs were urging me to be, like a forced separation. I have since then realised that my instincts and my feelings are not objective determinants of...

Fatherhood Diaries: Unprecedented

This is part of a series of blog posts under the title Fatherhood Diaries, which will be published here every Monday (for the foreseeable future). Enjoy. It is difficult to discuss feelings. Not the opening-up part but rather the description of a feeling that may not be familiar to everyone, which I only experienced after the occurrence of the life-changing event that was the birth of my son. I met my son seconds after his birth. I wasn’t able to see him immediately. I had to remove my glasses and get the tears out of my eyes. The same for his mum who was in the delivery room laying on the bed next to me holding him for the very first time. The initial feelings were shock-driven from the sighting of the woman I love making unprecedented sounds and getting a baby out of her formerly...

Fatherhood Diaries: Being a new dad

This is part of a series of blog posts under the title Fatherhood Diaries, which will be published here every Monday (for the foreseeable future). Enjoy. A new baby boy joined our family a little more than four months ago. My job’s generous paternity leave entitlements enabled me to spend precious time with him during the first month of his birth. Being at home during this critical adjustment period gave me an insight into the exhausting affair that is taking care of a newborn and made me appreciate all of the hard work that my wife is putting in whilst I sit comfortably in my office. The day-to-day tasks required to keep a baby clean and happy are easy to master. Really, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out how to change a nappy, neither does it require a PhD to...

George Iordanou Politics, Philosophy and (not much) Real Life

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